It’s my 28th Birthday! …please ignore the barking dog in the background. Sheesh.
It’s my 28th Birthday! …please ignore the barking dog in the background. Sheesh.
I’m feeling a little better today. I have taken the last week to get caught up on some things. I wrapped up my midterm, spent some time with friends, drank a little extra wine… I also got a hair cut this week and I already feel lighter.
I’m realizing what I think my issues my stem from. First of all, straight up, I’m just doing too much. Figuring out what to cut out, though, is the real issue.
Secondly, as some of you commented on my last post, my chemicals may be a little out of whack. I have been focusing more of hydration and taking all of my vitamins. I think it’s helping already. But I do worry about something a little more serious there. The problem, here, is that I am not sure what to do about it. Normally, I would reach out to my GI, at least to get his advice, but I don’t actually have one anymore. My GI moved on to the research field about a year after my surgery and I haven’t had a need to follow-up with one since. So I doubt any other doctor would want to give me advice without seeing my first, even if there’s not much they can do to help.
Finally, I’m noticing a pattern in my writing that I tend to get a little depressed around this time of year. I think it’s a combination of cold weather and hitting a wall after taking on too much responsibility at the beginning of the year. I should try to remember that next year… But it’s usually around the beginning of March that I pull out of it with the help of my birthday and Springtime!
And I guess that’s part of the reason I love March. It’s definitely not Spring quite yet (at least for longer than 48 hours here in NC), but we had a saying when I was a kid: March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb. And that is the truth here in the South. The first week or two is still pretty chilly, but you can look forward to some beautiful weather by the time the month is over. It may be 32-degrees outside right now, but we’re looking forward to 65 by this weekend!
This month, I’m not worried about goals, I’m focusing on enjoying myself and remembering that life is about being, not doing all of the time. Here’s what I’m looking forward to this month:
I have been having a rough go at it lately. Really, almost this whole month has been a difficult one for me to get through. I have been feeling exhausted, unmotivated, mildly depressed, and overly stressed. Most of all, I just feel tired.
Every morning I wake up feeling more worn out than I did the night before and completely unprepared to face the day. I think this all has probably shown up in my posts recently. I have made reference to the fact that I’m having trouble sleeping, been dealing with consistent headaches and feeling unmotivated in my training for my half-marathon. Since I’ve been so tired in the mornings, I can hardly pull myself out of bed in time for work, much less to get in a run. And after work I am already run down for the day and usually have too much going on, anyways. So I have been doing zero during the week runs or exercises and in order to keep up with my training, I’m just huffing my way through 6 or 7 miles, which is not the way to do it.
And there’s no good reason for any of this, either, which makes me feel guilty on top of all of everything else. I know that I have no right to feel this way because there are so many other people who deserve to more than I do… and many of them don’t. So I’m not saying all of this to make anyone feel bad for me or anything like that. I’m just trying to be honest as I work on my own issues.
I think all of this has come about by being overwhelmed with so many things going on right now. Work, school, commitments, activities. I am in the middle of midterms and have a big paper due on Sunday that I feel totally unprepared and uninspired to write. I hoped to crank out 2 or 3 pages last night and I think I made through about 6 sentences before my brain shut down.
And I put a lot of pressure on myself with The Stolen Colon and with other activism activities and I feel the need to write a certain number of posts on a certain number of relevant topics. And I am so behind on replying to emails and reaching out to people online, and I really hate that.
So I am taking a few days to sort it all out. At least enough time to get through this midterm and find my footing again. This blog and the people I have met because of it are some of the most important things in my life. I don’t want my posts on here to be posted just for posting’s sake. I want them to mean something. I want them to be either well thought out and researched or the product of a burning issue in my heart.
I know this isn’t how things are supposed to be. I know that I have no good reason to feel depressed or feel so exhausted, and I also know that it’s up to me to fix that. I know happiness is more about making a decision to be happy than anything and I just need a little time to figure out what I need to do (or stop doing) in order to find that. I just need to remember what’s most important and determine the best way to stay involved in everything I love and to really make it all count. I love you guys and I will see you again soon.
I found this quote online today and thought it was worth sharing…
I am trying something new this year. And it’s something that I would love for you to be a part of, as well. You see, I think there’s something missing in the IBD community in a lot of places, including here in North Carolina. And that’s a place where you can meet other young professional and college-age IBDers in your area face-to-face. Yes, there are support groups and those are great, but I don’t know of any place where you can just meet others and building relationships with other people who are going through some of the same thing you are. And yes, there are also many online groups, which I definitely love being a part of and have made a huge difference in my life, but there is something to be said about meeting others in person. So I am hoping to find that place around here.
I have started a Meetup in the Raleigh-Durham area. Like I said, my point is to build a community, not necessarily a support group, but somewhere you can hang out, talk about Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis (or not, it’s up to you) and make some new friends.
I envision this first meeting being a “grab coffee and get to know you” kind of thing, but perhaps ones in the future will revolve around certain activities. The great thing is, since this is starting from the ground up, we can all figure that out together and do whatever we want!
So please, if you are in the area or if you know of anyone in this area, I’d love to have you/them join us! I think it will be a lot of fun and I am really looking forward to getting to meet some new faces. Here is a link to the Meetup where you can RSVP and post any comments you would like. I’m definitely open to any suggestions and ideas. I hope to see you there!
Oh, North Carolina… She has some issues. Some weather issues, to be exact. She’s never quite sure if it’s supposed to be warm or cold, so the weather just jumps back and forth for a while.
We had a couple of snow days at the end of January. It was 61-degrees just the day before. Then we had a few more last week. Turns out, the snow in January was a bit of a joke compared with what was to come in the following weeks.
North Carolina is not well equipped to deal with wintry weather. We don’t have the work force or the trucks to salt all of the roads or to plow them afterwards. Plus, most people around here don’t drive in the snow, much, so it’s always a challenge if we get more than an inch or two. And this time, we got about 6-inches and a nice layer of ice right on top. You may have seen some of the crazy pictures coming out of the area of people sitting in traffic for hours, cars being abandoned, people walking miles home and even vehicles on fire. They are all true.
But what’s even crazier is the fact that just a week after all of that, we are sittin’ pretty in 70 degree weather. A high of 30-degrees one week, 72 the next.
But I won’t complain about that. Even though the constant weather changes tend to give me a pretty bad headache. (Yes, just one that lasts the entire couple of weeks while the weather makes up its mind as to what it’s going to do.) There is just something about that first warm day in a while that feels so amazing. That’s the reason I don’t think I could live somewhere where it’s warm all of the time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I suppose.
I’ve been really tired recently. Part of it has to do with the fact that I’ve been having trouble sleeping, but part of it is something else… I’m not sure what, exactly. But getting out of bed in the morning has felt impossible. Getting up early to do any sort of work out just hasn’t been happening.
These past couple of days, feeling the warm sun again, rolling down the windows and turning up the radio… they made me feel awake again. I would never want my mood to depend on the weather, but if I’m being honest, it happens. Waking up in the morning and driving to the gym in the cold in order to go for a run or a swim sounds like one of the worst things in the world when 5:00 a.m. is staring you in the face.
I hope the warm weather is here to stay, but I know North Carolina better than that. And already in the 10-day forecast there are some snow flurries back in there. It will likely be another month before the temperature settles towards the warm side. But I will take any opportunity I get to sing at the top of my lungs as the wind blows through my open window.