Yesterday marked 6 weeks since my surgery. I guess that means my recovery period is officially over. My doctor told me 4-6 weeks for recovery, but I honestly felt that I was back in the swing of things at the 4 week mark. I’ve been enjoying prolonging it. I’ve already redone the laundry room, completely made over my guest bath, and finally put together the wall frame project I kept planning on doing.
I haven’t intentionally been avoiding getting a job (…although I have enjoyed it). I’ve actually been looking for several weeks now. I started looking before I was even ready to go back to work, but I haven’t found anything yet. I’ve submitted some resumes, but I either haven’t gotten the position or haven’t heard anything yet.
I’ve had a hard time looking for jobs because I honestly feel like I don’t know what I want to do. I see so many people around me who are doing what they want to be doing and really love their job, and I realize that I don’t have that thing out there that really drives me. I don’t want a job that just pays the bills. I want something I really love. Something that really fulfills me. I feel like a little kid who doesn’t know what they want to be when they grow up.
*On a side-note, it does remind me of a great scene from FRIENDS. (I fully believe that in every situation in life, there is a FRIENDS reference that goes along with it.)
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don’t have a dream.
Ross: Ah, the lesser known ‘I Don’t Have a Dream’ speech.
I love to write. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. But saying you want to be an author is kind of like saying that you want to be a rockstar. You have to be 100% committed to it. You have to accept the fact that you might not make it (…and probably more than likely won’t). And you still have to have a day job.
I know I haven’t been committed to it. I have the perfect opportunity right now since I’m not working, but I haven’t buckled down and done it. Honestly, I think there’s a part of me that’s afraid I won’t be any good at it, and once I realize that, I’ll have nothing left. That’s something that I’m going to have to come to terms with sooner or later.
For now… I’ll keep looking and hoping that I’ll find something that fits me. But until then, I’ll keep enjoying my time in the sun.
So many things to do and say
But I can’t seem to find my way
But I wanna know how
I know I’m meant for something else
But first I gotta find myself
But I don’t know how
Oh, why do I reach for the stars
When I don’t have wings to carry me that far?
I gotta have roots before branches
To know who I am before I know who I wanna be
And faith to take chances
To live like I see a place in this world for me
“Roots Before Branches” by Room For Two