I think I’ve forgotten how to shop

This has been a rough week for me. I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot lately, so I’m sorry if I am sounding whiny, because that’s not my intention. I’m just feeling a little worn down.

It started over the weekend. I didn’t end up having the time on Saturday to study for my class this week because I had to work, so I had to push it off a day. Sunday was the local Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation’s Gourmet Gala fundraiser. Jarrod and I were planning on attending, but at the last-minute, a family of volunteers had to pull out because their daughter was sick, so I agreed to help set up the morning of the event. That ended up keeping me busy until 2:00 in the afternoon, so I wound up with just enough time to run a quick errand before having to get ready for the event myself. (I’ll tell you more about the event soon, because it was a lot of fun!)

So even though Sunday was a good day, it was my only weekend day that I had and I didn’t get any chance to get things done or get any rest. Then Monday, I had an appointment with my doctor… or so I thought. Somehow I got my appointment time confused and it was actually on Tuesday, but I had already agreed to work late on Monday, so I couldn’t even go in early and then Tuesday was messed up because I had to go in late again.

So I actually made it to my appointment on Tuesday which went well. My surgeon said that things are continuing to heal well and we pushed my next follow-up out a couple of weeks and he’s hoping that will be my last appointment. But after I left his office, things took a bad turn. I started dealing with a lot of pain from what he did, both with the silver nitrate and just poking around at a few things that shouldn’t be poked around with. The pain got pretty unbearable as the morning went on and I ended up leaving work early because I was feeling so bad.

I had Wednesday off, so I did get to sleep in a little bit and  had a chance to get caught up on some things. I spent the morning cleaning the kitchen and paying bills, but I was still feeling a little down from the rest of the week. So I did what any self-respecting girl would do on her day off: go shopping!

I went out with the sole purpose of finding a new pair of shoes and I was ready to spend some money. Now let me tell you, I am a good shopper. I can spend money with the best of them and I can always find something worth swiping my credit card. But this time… I felt lost. I couldn’t find anything that I wanted to spend money on. Every pair of shoes was either not comfortable, or didn’t look right on me, or they didn’t have my size. I must’ve tried on 30 different pairs of shoes and not one gave me any sort of yummy feeling inside.

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I mean seriously… look at all of those beautiful shoes. And I couldn’t even find one pair?

It was like I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt like I was just aimlessly walking up and down the aisles with no purpose. So I gave up and went home empty-handed. Well, not entirely empty-handed. I decided to drown my sorrows in an iced soy green tea latte from Starbucks, so that helped some. But by that time, I had just enough time left to go by the grocery store and get dinner ready before class.

I’ve had to push myself to get through this week without falling apart. At one point, I started crying for mostly no reason. I think it was just because I was so exhausted. I literally started talking to myself in the car and said, “OK, you’re going to go home and you’re going to give yourself half-an-hour to feel sorry for yourself and watch some mindless TV to distract yourself. After that, you are going to pick yourself up, wash your face and get on with the rest of the day.” And that’s exactly what I did. And it turned out to all be alright.

As you can obviously see, nothing earth-shattering happened this week. Nothing worth crying over or thinking about longer than a day. It’s just been the cumulation of everything. Plus just how tired I have been. I’ve been feeling like pre-surgery tired. Like I want to stay in bed for the entire day kind of tired. But there’s just too much going on for that.

I really do need to find a way to better manager my time. And slow down a little bit. Rather, I have things going on pretty much every night for the next week up until I hop a flight down to Florida for a wedding. Yep, slowing down, indeed.

One thought on “I think I’ve forgotten how to shop

  1. Ashley

    I totally understand the exhaustion! I have the same problem with doing an internship and working part time. It is the tiredness that I feel that makes me really hate that I have Crohn’s. Why can’t I just be normal? I too have also had silver nitrate treatments on my wound and am currently going through multiple debriedments to get my wound to heal.


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