Mouth ulcers. Or canker sores, whichever you call them.
One way I could always tell when my inflammatory bowel disease was active was when I started getting mouth ulcers. I remember when I was younger and going through a rough patch of symptoms and I would have 20 or more ulcers in my mouth. It made it difficult to eat or even to swallow.
Even now, when my IBD is not causing symptoms, whenever one or more these pops up, I get concerned. This one in the picture is actually from biting my lip, but it’s taking a very long time to heal and that also worries me. I also have another on my tongue, that I can’t get a picture of, that has come and gone a time or two over the past couple of months. Also, about two weeks ago I had one of the roof of my mouth.
I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s enough to make me think twice about how I’ve been feeling and to get me to pay a little more attention to my health. That’s the thing about living with chronic illness: You’re never out of the woods. It’s never gone, you’re never cured. Sometimes it feels like you’re just waiting around for it to pop back up again.
I am very thankful to have had these years since my surgery without dealing with any major symptoms of inflammatory bowel disease, but there is always this little part of me, in the back of my mind, that worries about those symptoms coming back. It was a big concern during my pregnancy, since your body goes through so much change during that time, it can kick up a reoccurrence of symptoms. Again, I’m thankful to have made it through my pregnancy without that happening.
We live in this constant state of uncertainty, and it’s difficult to get used to that. Seriously, how do you even begin to deal with that?? I honestly don’t know. I guess you just eventually get used to that uncertainty and start to mistake it for normalcy. Regardless, this is why I try to live my life in the moment. I will readily admit that I am not always successful at that. I am a major planner and like to know what I’m getting into, but I’m trying to be present in each day. Today’s a good day, so I will enjoy it and try to live it for all that it’s worth. And if tomorrow is not a good day… I guess we’ll deal with that tomorrow.