Potty training your kids when you have an ostomy

Potty training. This is definitely one of the things that did not cross my mind when I was making my decision to get an ostomy. But it goes to show that there are plenty of ways that having an ostomy will impact your life that you will not immediately imagine.

I currently have a 3 ½ year old and a 16 month old. We just went through the whole potty training experience with my son just before his third birthday. It was an interesting experience because, as I realized, I do not pee or poop like he does! How in the world was I supposed to teach him to how to transition from diaper to toilet?

I mean, seriously here, I have not “pooped” now in more than 6 years and I honestly don’t even remember when I last had a solid one, but it was quite a while before that! And wiping bottoms again?! I thought I was past that stage in my life!

But just as with so many ostomy-related things, it’s something that I was able to deal with by preparing and taking a little extra care. toilet potty training ostomy children IBD crohn's disease ulcerative colitisUltimately, I do not believe the ostomy really affected the potty training process to a large extent. We still both sit on the toilet (at least for the time being), so he could grasp that part. But I made sure to take the time to explain to him that I poop differently and it comes out of my bag, rather than my bottom. It gave us a good opportunity to talk about the process, what he could expect, why we do it and all that. I have not gotten too deep into a discussion of my ostomy with him, but he knows that I was sick and it made me feel better. I’m sure that conversation is coming in the not too distant future and I will be sure to update when I do!

For the actual potty training process, I’m sure it was pretty much the same as it is for anyone. Early on I got one of those stand along toilets so we could start a conversation and he could get an idea of what it’s like. He would occasionally want to sit on it, but other than one random time, he never actually used it. And that one time completely freaked him out. Around 2 ½, we started the actual process of sitting on the toilet and used one of the smaller seats that goes over the regular toilet seat. He did great for a week or two and would sit on the toilet and pee in it when I asked him, but he would not tell me he needed to use it and would not poop in it at all. After that first week or so, he was over it and refused to sit on it again. So we held off for a couple of months.

We tried again and had a similar experience, where he did great with peeing but would not poop in the toilet. It became frustrating for me because either he couldn’t wear underwear or I ended up cleaning up a lot of poop accidents. (And let’s be honest, I’ve dealt with enough of those in my life!) So I decided to wait a little longer.

Right around his third birthday, we gave it another shot and this time I loosely tried the 3 day method where you stay home, no pants, drink a lot of water and going to the bathroom is literally all you do those days. At this point, I think he was just ready. Of course we had some accidents those first few days, but they were mostly overnight or when I was taking care of his sister and unable to help him out. Within 2 weeks, he was set. Only the occasional accident that you can expect from a newly potty trained child.

To be honest, I was a little anxious about how to handle this process with him, since you are encouraged the let them see you use the bathroom, so they can understand that others do this and can see it firsthand. Even though I do things different, it was a good opportunity for us to talk about using the bathroom and get into at least a surface level of my current situation and how I got here. I have never shied away from letting him see my bag and to answer any questions about it, but I don’t think he’s been to the point of being able to grasp what it means just yet, but I do think he will start being able to understand more in the not too distant future. In the meantime, I’m glad to share with him some of what makes me different and to celebrate those things that make us who we are.

2 thoughts on “Potty training your kids when you have an ostomy

  1. Susan Caldwell

    Made each of my kids a potty chart, when they went pee pee and poop, I was bad and gave them candy. Not a whole lot, but enough for a positive reward. They also put a star on their potty chart. I still had my colon then, not anymore. I also made sure my son watched his father pee a lot, not poop though. I think the candy helped a lot, you just need to brush their teeth really good, if you do it. Good luck, I wonder if they way you poop has him wondering why you guys are different? Kids are smart.

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