My son does not nap…

And that’s a big reason that I have not been around for a while. I apologize that I sort of fell off the face of the world for a while there. If I’m being totally honest… I think I was kind of hiding.

w no napIt started in October, when my son decided he no longer liked sleeping. (The 4-month sleep regression is real!) I was exhausted in every way possible. Thankfully, he has started sleeping through the night, but he still refuses to nap more than 30 minutes at a time and usually only twice, maybe three times a day. I left my full-time job to stay home with him, but I do have a part-time, work-from-home job, so any time I got him to go down for a nap, I’ve felt like I have to spend that time working. And even if I wasn’t working, there were a million things around the house to do. And then I sometimes just needed a little time for myself. I don’t like that it happened, but my blog kept getting pushed further down the list.

And whenever I would think about trying to write something, I got scared that I would try to stay up to date and I would fail and feel even worse than I do now. There’s a good chance that could still happen, but I know this blog is too important to me to let it slip away. I want to be here and I want to be present, but taking care of a tiny human takes more energy and time than I thought possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom more than I can even explain, but it is very hard keeping a good balance when your To-Do list always seems to be growing and few things are getting crossed off.

The Stolen Colon means so much to me. It has helped me get through one of the most difficult things I have ever faced in my life. It has given me the opportunity to meet and talk to so many people with incredible stories. It has brought me in contact with an amazing group of health activists and patient advocates. And it has taught me that I am not alone in the world. And that’s what I hope, more than anything, that it has done for others.

I’ve thought before, if I had to boil down the entire message of my blog into one sentence, what would it be? The answer I came up with is: To make the thought of getting an ostomy less scary. Yes, I also want to spread awareness and discuss other subject matters, but that one, simple idea is the most important message I want to spread. Because when I was faced with having my surgery, I was so scared. Scared about how it would change my life and how others would see me and how I would feel about myself. But in the end, I have found a life very different from what I had pictured and a life that I am so thankful has turned out the way that it has.

Today, my son turned 6 months old. He has officially been born for a whole half-a-year. It actually hit me kind of hard thinking about how long of a stretch of time that is. I think it is good that I have taken some time to focus pretty solely on him, and he’ll continue to be my top priority, but I want to make sure that I don’t lose the other important things in my life. I still want to be here and I still want to hear from you and talk to anyone who needs it. I will continue to try to stay on top of things and respond to people in a (somewhat) timely manner. You all have enriched my life so much and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without y’all. I hope to continue to be a part of your lives.

9 thoughts on “My son does not nap…

  1. Jeri

    That was so awesome that you had that done to care of yourself to have a better life now you care take care of you and your baby

  2. Stephanie

    My name is Stephanie too. What a beautiful baby! First time I am reading your blog. Had my surgery about 2 months ago and now doing chemo. Best of health to you and looking forward to more of your posts 🙂

  3. 24Cycle

    Thank u! I am 6 days out of my permanent ileostomy surgery. I’ve spent 11 years in this battle avoiding this point; and I’m having my fair share of sob fests. Thank you for giving me some light. Even tho I know things will improve drastically, this does not come without mourning; and a real fear of now waking up to a very different existence than my previous 38 years which I am doing now. You are one of the first blogs I found as I entered this next chapter of my life. I have to remember that before surgery, I just existed. I never lived life. Now I have a chance.

  4. Lauren

    So nice to see you back Stephanie! It’s pretty amazing and scary how fast time goes right by. Thank you for finding time to share your story, I am pretty sure we will all be here waiting for your posts, no matter how busy you get! 🙂

  5. Irene Bandeen

    My daughter has an ileostomy and she is now just over 6 months pregnant. She had an incarcerated uterus at one point, but that has miraculously resolved. Now her pregnancy has been pretty uneventful. She’s had a lot of headaches, but no real stomach issues yet. She drinks gobs of water and hopes to avoid the blockages you had at the end. She lives in a remote part of Oregon with her husband. When she developed her incarcerated uterus, the docs wanted her to stay in the Portland area. So she’s been staying with her sister since the end of October. Very hard for she and her hubby to be apart. But we are just 90 minutes away. Loved reading your blog and hearing about your successful pregnancy. Chill out and just check in, when you can. We’re here waiting, but not impatiently. I have had you on my prayer list, ever since my daughter shared your blog with me. Enjoy mommy-hood. It doesn’t last forever. At least not the early part. Blessings to you and your little family! Merry Christmas!

  6. Christine Raco

    First off your son is adorable and any mom will understand your situation I am a four year cancer survivor ostomate and I have learned so much from your blog so I am more than willing to wait till you can blog with us again. Thx Stephanie.

  7. lisacour

    I agree with the others…great to see a post from you but there is no pressure…you have your priorities right! And I think your message rings true on your blog, at least that’s the message I’ve picked up. Its not as scary as we make it in our minds before surgery. I’ve had my ostomy due to rectal cancer for five months now and most days, it ain’t no ‘thang. 🙂 But then once in a while it is and I think of the so many others out there and it gives me courage. Thanks for being brave and spreading the word.

  8. Michelle C

    Awesome job of parenting and prioritizing. I hope those who need your blog find it. I was unprepared for my ileostomy, as it was an emergency, and I had no support from anywhere…and my husband bailed on me. However, I think I managed fairly well.
    Keep up the good work.
    Love and blessings from Texas!

  9. Paula

    Excellent idea to follow your Mothering instincts. You can’t lose us now because like 24 cycle said, you are our light. I researched a lot prior to my, supposedly colon resection where I was to have a temporary ileostomy to heal. 8 hour surgery later, I woke up minus my lower rectal sigmoid colon and now have a colostomy. I have a question about bathing. If you soak in a bath or hot tub, is it a given that you’ll need to replace the wafer?
    I’m hoping to hear that in most instances the wafer will dry & no change is necessary. I’m still an optimist, thanks to your helpful blog.


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