And that’s a big reason that I have not been around for a while. I apologize that I sort of fell off the face of the world for a while there. If I’m being totally honest… I think I was kind of hiding.
It started in October, when my son decided he no longer liked sleeping. (The 4-month sleep regression is real!) I was exhausted in every way possible. Thankfully, he has started sleeping through the night, but he still refuses to nap more than 30 minutes at a time and usually only twice, maybe three times a day. I left my full-time job to stay home with him, but I do have a part-time, work-from-home job, so any time I got him to go down for a nap, I’ve felt like I have to spend that time working. And even if I wasn’t working, there were a million things around the house to do. And then I sometimes just needed a little time for myself. I don’t like that it happened, but my blog kept getting pushed further down the list.
And whenever I would think about trying to write something, I got scared that I would try to stay up to date and I would fail and feel even worse than I do now. There’s a good chance that could still happen, but I know this blog is too important to me to let it slip away. I want to be here and I want to be present, but taking care of a tiny human takes more energy and time than I thought possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom more than I can even explain, but it is very hard keeping a good balance when your To-Do list always seems to be growing and few things are getting crossed off.
The Stolen Colon means so much to me. It has helped me get through one of the most difficult things I have ever faced in my life. It has given me the opportunity to meet and talk to so many people with incredible stories. It has brought me in contact with an amazing group of health activists and patient advocates. And it has taught me that I am not alone in the world. And that’s what I hope, more than anything, that it has done for others.
I’ve thought before, if I had to boil down the entire message of my blog into one sentence, what would it be? The answer I came up with is: To make the thought of getting an ostomy less scary. Yes, I also want to spread awareness and discuss other subject matters, but that one, simple idea is the most important message I want to spread. Because when I was faced with having my surgery, I was so scared. Scared about how it would change my life and how others would see me and how I would feel about myself. But in the end, I have found a life very different from what I had pictured and a life that I am so thankful has turned out the way that it has.
Today, my son turned 6 months old. He has officially been born for a whole half-a-year. It actually hit me kind of hard thinking about how long of a stretch of time that is. I think it is good that I have taken some time to focus pretty solely on him, and he’ll continue to be my top priority, but I want to make sure that I don’t lose the other important things in my life. I still want to be here and I still want to hear from you and talk to anyone who needs it. I will continue to try to stay on top of things and respond to people in a (somewhat) timely manner. You all have enriched my life so much and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without y’all. I hope to continue to be a part of your lives.