It was 4 years ago today when I started The Stolen Colon. At the time, I was dealing with some really severe Crohn’s disease symptoms and I wasn’t even sure yet what I was going to do as far as surgery or treatment or anything. I say I wasn’t sure, but really, I think I knew surgery was inevitable, but I wasn’t able to fully admit that quite yet. (I mean, why else would I call my blog “The Stolen Colon” if I didn’t know what was coming??) I remember after leaving the consult with my surgeon to set up the surgery, I asked him how soon I needed to let him know if I wanted to cancel so as to not mess up his schedule too much. I knew I wasn’t going to cancel, but knowing that I wasn’t 100% committed just yet gave me a little peace of mind.
I started this blog because I was scared. I was scared of the surgery and what having an ostomy bag would mean for my relationship, my self-esteem, and just my life from that point on. I can’t remember the particular moment that I decided I wanted to start a blog, but I remember searching for people who had been through this surgery before me. I found a few brave individuals out there who were sharing their stories and I will always be grateful for them. But even then, I didn’t find enough. I remember thinking, “If I have to go through all of this, I at least want it to be helpful to someone else.”
I felt very alone during this time. I felt like no one could understand what I was going through and the decision I was having to make. So I started writing about it. It was partly to help myself process everything, and partly because I didn’t want other people to feel as alone as I did. I had no idea at the time the world it would open up to me.
My first post was titled: The blog I didn’t want to write. And that still rings true. I never wanted any of this. I never wanted to be “that girl who blogs about her ostomy.” But in doing so, I realized how many other people could understand what I was going through and had dealt with the same uncertainties I had.
You may also notice that I focused on Crohn’s disease in that first post, because that’s what I knew and what I was already comfortable with. I don’t know that I had much to say about ostomies at the time other than I didn’t want one! It’s amazing to think about how much has changed in just 4 years.
By starting The Stolen Colon, I have been given an opportunity to use what I have learned and experienced and help others not feel the same way I did when I was going through with my surgery. I am so happy that there are many more advocates writing and talking today, and there is a much bigger support network for those living with an ostomy. And while I may not have wanted this, I am glad for where starting this blog has led me to today. And I look forward to where it will go from here.