Tag Archives: baby

5 years: The resentment anniversary?

It has been 5 years since I had my surgery to get an ostomy. It’s funny, I’ve been looking forward to this day because 5 years seems like such a good marker of time. And my ostomy has made such a profound impact on my life, that I felt like it would be a time to celebrate. Five years of not living with active Crohn’s disease; five years of being able to take part in the activities I want to; five years of not living in fear of finding the closest bathroom. But this has ended up being an interesting anniversary for me.

If you look back at my previous anniversary posts (One, Two, Three, Four), they are mostly filled with gratitude and hope. This year, I feel a bit more resentful and not wanting to celebrate my ostomy or what it has given me the past few years. I have not gotten into it yet on my blog, but I will soon tell you the full story of my second pregnancy and the complications that I have been having due to my ostomy. In a nutshell, I just returned home from spending a week in the hospital due to a pretty severe intestinal blockage. It’s actually pretty amazing that I did not end up requiring surgery in order to relieve it. Currently, I have a catheter inserted into my stoma to help ensure it does not collapse or get squashed between my uterus and my abdomen. It’s painful. It’s uncomfortable. I feel exhausted.

And now I am on a nearly entirely liquid diet, which is not only boring, but I’m hungry pretty much all of the time. Plus, I’m worried about getting enough calories during the day, not only to support myself, but to support my baby, too, who is not due for another 11 weeks. Top it off with a 2-year-old who I am home with much of the time and just don’t feel I have the energy to keep up with him, and it’s also difficult to move too much without hurting myself.

Suffice it to say I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself recently. I think I’ve been going through a mourning period of having to let go of the plans I had for this pregnancy and the hopes I held onto for a spontaneous birth close to my due date. I had wanted to spend these final weeks relishing the time I have with my son before he’s joined by a sibling and enjoying our life as a family of three. But none of that is going to happen the way that I had planned.

But you know, I’ve also realized that life usually does not go the way you planned. I am not the first woman to deal with complications during pregnancy or concerns about taking care of her other child. I also see how blessed I am that we’ve been able to handle the issue with this catheter, despite how uncomfortable it is. I am blessed to be home with my family, able to move around, and I’m not confined to bed rest at the hospital for weeks, as many women deal with during pregnancy. I am blessed to have amazing family and friends close by who have dropped everything to help us out and make sure that we have everything we need.

So instead of being resentful today, I am trying to focus on the many positives that I have going on in my life: I have a beautiful new baby on the way that I am so excited about and my ostomy played a huge part in me being able to do that, other than dealing with the blockage issues I am healthy, I am not confined to a hospital bed, I have amazing support to help me get through the coming weeks. And I know whenever this baby arrives and in whatever fashion that we will cherish the time we have together. When I think back to when my son was born, and the four weeks I had expected to continue being pregnant, I am thankful for that extra time we had together. And I’m glad to live in an area with some of the best doctors and hospitals who I know will take the best care possible of my little one, no matter what happens.

This anniversary is a little different from the ones previous, but it may end up being one of the most significant ones I experience. Life is not always going to go the way that you want, and it has a way of trashing many of the best laid plans, but that doesn’t mean that all is lost or that we should just give up. My ostomy has given me a great 5 years, and I look forward to what it will allow me to accomplish and experience in the future, despite the discomfort it may be causing me for the time being.

Adventures in mommyhood (with an ostomy)

I have a hard time believing, at the moment, that my tiny little baby is going to be one-year old in just two months. Everyone always told me how quickly times goes by, but I am still shocked at how quickly it does. This week, we were blessed with the arrival of my first nephew, and when we went to meet him at the hospital, I was taken aback by how tiny he was and how I could hardly imagine my son being that size just 10 months ago.

These months have been a growing time for me, as well, as I learn what it means to be a mom. And while I know I having an ostomy has no bearing on the kind of mom I am, I do see some areas that are a little different for me. So I thought I’d start a new series. An OstoMOMmy series, if you will.

Ostomommy-Logo

I will plan to talk about any instances I find in my life as a mom that have been impacted by my ostomy and consider ways to deal with it or things I have learned from it. And I’d like your help, as well. In a series like this, I want to make sure I am writing about things that actually impact other people’s lives. So I’d like to know about your questions or ideas for topics.

What questions do you have about being a parent with an ostomy? Are there certain activities that concern you about raising a child or that you’ve already experienced? Are there things that you think will be different as a parent with an ostomy? Are there certain scenarios where you, as a parent, have had a different perspective because of your ostomy? What other parenting topics would you be interested in hearing more about?

I have a couple of topics in mind, but I figure this will be a series that I will write about as it happens, whether it happens often or only sporadically. Please comment below or on my Facebook page with your questions or topic ideas!

My son does not nap…

And that’s a big reason that I have not been around for a while. I apologize that I sort of fell off the face of the world for a while there. If I’m being totally honest… I think I was kind of hiding.

w no napIt started in October, when my son decided he no longer liked sleeping. (The 4-month sleep regression is real!) I was exhausted in every way possible. Thankfully, he has started sleeping through the night, but he still refuses to nap more than 30 minutes at a time and usually only twice, maybe three times a day. I left my full-time job to stay home with him, but I do have a part-time, work-from-home job, so any time I got him to go down for a nap, I’ve felt like I have to spend that time working. And even if I wasn’t working, there were a million things around the house to do. And then I sometimes just needed a little time for myself. I don’t like that it happened, but my blog kept getting pushed further down the list.
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Waylon’s birth story – Part 3

Read Part 1 and Part 2 of Waylon’s birth story.

After Waylon was born that Friday evening, one of the first things they want you to do is to feed them. I was able to get him to feed pretty quickly, but we had one complication that came up. He had low blood sugar, which is non uncommon for premature babies. So I fed him again in hopes that it would go up, but it actually dropped even further, which meant we were in for a bunch of monitoring that night.

waylon2It took about 3 hours to get us out of the delivery room because of this and everything else that needed to be done. We ended up giving him some formula to help, since breastfeeding wasn’t cutting it at the time. By this time we were settled into a room on the postpartum floor. We were told to keep feeding and supplementing and giving him as much skin-to-skin contact as possible to help with the low blood sugar. Needless to say, there was not much sleep to be had that night as I had him laying on my chest just about the whole time. Each time they checked his blood sugar they had to prick his foot for the blood test. And we had to get three good readings in a row in order to be out of the woods. It honestly didn’t seem to bother him too much, but I was a wreck each time they had to test his blood. Thankfully by the morning, we had gotten three good readings for his blood sugar and we were able to stop monitoring it.

The first day was filled with lots of family stopping by, lots of nurses and doctors checking in on us, and a ton of just trying to figure things out and getting to know our little guy. But the down side of the whole thing was that I still was on a no food, no water “diet.” Trust me, there are few things worse than giving birth to a child and them being told you’re not allowed to eat anything. Although having a new little baby does help distract you from that, at least. But the good part was that I was already feeling a million times better! The pain I had been feeling before was immediately gone and I was starting to feel more like myself and able to enjoy time with our son… even if I felt like I was starving.

That day was a little overwhelming with everyone stopping by, but it was nice seeing everyone so excited to meet Waylon. And he did great. Since he was born a preemie, he slept a ton. Even more than full-term babies. It was a rare occasion while at the hospital to catch him with his eyes open. Even so, I don’t think that entire day the little man ever laid in the bassinet they give you, since he was either in my arms or someone else’s.

waylon1That was pretty much our whole day on Saturday. A normal part of those couple of days in the hospital is running tests on his bilirubin level (yah, something I’d never heard of either) and basically it measures the level of jaundice. Waylon’s levels were a little high, which is also common among premature babies. Thankfully it’s treatable, but it is something that can cause problems if left untreated. The treatment, however, is being set under a UV light for 24 hours. They told us this during the night Saturday and said they could either take him to the nursery and put him under the lights there or they could move one of the lights into our room. Of course I was told them to leave him in our room rather than taking him away.

In order to do this treatment, they have him only in a diaper (which we quickly had discovered he hated being naked!) with protective glasses covering his eyes and you have to leave him under there and can’t pick him up. So they bring him in with this light and he just screamed and screamed. And there was nothing I could do. I just sat there and cried, feeling so helpless that there was nothing I could do for my son. My husband and I eventually agreed that he should be taken to the nursery, because I could not handle listening to him crying knowing I couldn’t help. They would bring him back to me every couple of hours for feeding and I got to hang out with him about an hour, but that was all I got to see him for the next day.

Waylon6At least by Sunday morning they allowed me to start eating again and everything went great. The blockage was completely gone after having given birth and I was having no further issues or pain. It was fairly quiet day and I actually got the chance to shower and get ready and go outside for a little bit. It was good to finally start feeling human again, but it was hard only getting to see Waylon every few hours. My husband went home that evening to check on everything at the house, so it was just me that night, making it harder not having my little guy with me the whole time. At one point, I knew they were supposed to be bringing him to me soon for a feeding, so every time I heard something moving outside my room I would perk up, hoping it would be him. Once they finally brought him to me, I had my first emotional postpartum breakdown and starting crying just because I was so glad to see him again. (Silly mom.)

By Monday morning we got the good news that his bilirubin levels were getting lower and we would be able to go home that day! So even with being born 4 weeks early and under 6 lbs., we only spent 3 days in the hospital, which is only one day longer than the typical hospital stay for moms giving birth, and didn’t spend any time in the NICU. At our follow-up appointments at the pediatrician, he gained weight really well, nearly doubling it by his 2 month appointment!

This kid is my little miracle baby. I was so nervous in those weeks beforehand about how much he would weigh and if he’d have to spend a lot of time at the hospital or have any other complications. And while those last few weeks of pregnancy and my labor and birth did not happen the way I had planned, I am so thankful to have a perfectly healthy little boy who is already one of the most amazing people I know. I can’t wait to see the person he becomes.