January 25, 2012: The day my life changed…
A year and a half before, I was in a bad flare from Crohn’s Disease. I literally shrank to half the person I had been for 20 years. My hair was falling out, my face was turning gray, dark circles around my eyes and lips. Joint pain, terrible muscle cramps, no control of bowels and probably the worst thing was the large baseball size abscesses on my bottom.
I forced myself to go to work as much as possible to keep my job. The hardest part about being sick for me was missing out on spending time with my horses. They have played a huge role in my life, even before I could walk. The Crohn’s made it difficult for me to take care of them, much less ride and compete. I AM A BARREL RACER! That is what brings me a ton of joy! But the Crohn’s had nearly taken it all away from me. I would have “OK” days and I would try to ride, but once my run was over I would be completely exhausted to the point that I would have to get help getting off my horse and I would crumple to the ground and have to sit there for several minutes.
Mid-December 2011, I went to my gastroenterologist and he said he thought it was time to take my colon out. This was something I truly did not want to do, but when the doctor said that I would continue to decline until I was no longer here, I realized that there was no other choice. My only question was: “Would I be able to ride once I was healed?” He assured me that I would still be able to.
The colonoscopy before surgery showed that my colon was closing off in 3 places and in one spot had closed up so much that they couldn’t get the scope though. Not even the small one for the children.
January 25, 2012, was my surgery day. The plan was to remove only my colon, but once inside the surgeon saw that everything was so damaged that I ended up loosing everything—colon, rectum, and anus.
I went back to work 6 weeks later, but then had issues with the Crohn’s trying to attack the skin next to my stoma. This resulted in getting steroid injections directly into the skin. I had a very hard time getting the right appliances and sealants, and just wrapping my head around this whole situation. I had leaks all of the time, allergic reactions to adhesives, and I started to convince myself that I had made a huge mistake by letting them do this surgery. It took a full year to get things figured out and for my bottom to completely heal up.
I certainly can’t say that I am “OK” with this ostomy, but it has improved my quality of life and given me back my ability to ride again. I rarely have a leak anymore and the only things that need done to prepare myself to ride is to wear snug fitting jeans and to make sure my pouch is emptied out before I get on.
Never give up on the things that bring you joy and happiness. Hope is being able to see there is light despite all of the darkness.