I’ve been a little lost this week. I’m sitting here wondering what has happened over the past 10 days. Truth is, I honestly don’t know. But I am amazed at myself writing on my birthday how I want to live each day with purpose and the week-and-a-half following that I just slide through with no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing.
And it’s not that I’ve wasted these days. I’ve attended a 2-year-old’s birthday and a baby shower of a very dear friend; I’ve enjoyed spending time with family and friends for my birthday; I have started getting back on track with my running/training schedule. So yes, there were some great things that have happened that I wouldn’t have missed, but somehow, I feel like everything has just “happened.” I don’t know if that makes any sense because pretty much all of those things were planned in advance. I guess it was all of the time in between that was filled with whatever came along at the time.
Nothing, about the past 10 days has been purposeful. Nothing has been moving towards anything. They may have been nice. They may have created some good memories. But they haven’t gotten me anywhere. I feel so frustrated with myself right now. Why can I seem to pull it together? Why am I not able to bring my future into focus on figure out which path I’m going to take? I keep complaining that things haven’t gone the way that I want them to, but clearly, I haven’t been willing to make the steps necessary to get me to where I want to be.
Focus. That’s what I need in my life more than anything right now. Focus.
And right now I’m sitting in the middle of a messy room, feeling even more frustrated that my head isn’t any better. I need to organize… my house, my thoughts, my life. I’m thankful that I have a day this week to slow down and pick up the pieces and get things back on track. It’s time to stop hoping and wishing and get to some doing.
Thanks for letting me vent, guys…